Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Starting over in Washington

I am so lucky that I have people who are there for me.
When I lived in Missoula, I didn't have a job. I went to school and did fine, but definitely not my best. I could've worked during school but was too nervous to put myself out there to be rejected. So basically my parents sent me money every month and my boyfriend paid for everything on top of that. I am grateful, but that was a very low point for me. I felt bad about myself and I knew exactly what the first step was to get out of my slump; get a job, but I didn't.
I barely even engaged in social activities. If I wasn't with Erik, I just sat at home or in the library and let my self-loathing build.
Obviously, I was in a downward spiral. That's why I was so excited when my boyfriend and I decided to move to Bremerton, WA. He has a friend here who is letting us have the first month free in his basement to let us get on our feet. Also, my boyfriend had a job waiting here. How could we say no? I knew once we moved here, I had to start job searching immediately. I admit I got off to a slow start because Erik didn't start his job for another week, so I really wanted to tour our new environment with him like we were on vacation. But once he started his job, I started job hunting. I have very little experience and it was difficult to find something but now I have two! One of them is catering at a theatre on the weekends and the other is an on-call dishwasher and dietary aid in a nursing home. Hopefully it won't be on-call for long but the hours are plenty and it's such a relief that I'm finally pulling in some money.
The only eh part is I'm taking a year off school to gain residency. I know I have to keep up on my french somehow. I plan on attending a french club in seattle and just to keep practicing from books, rosetta stone, music, and movies.
So...I've taken my first step to getting out my slump. I've gotten two jobs!
My next step: Get over my nerves and start going to that french club!

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Desicions

I'm almost a junior now and I still haven't declared. I went so long thinking I'd go the french direction...now I have no idea. I feel so clueless at this time in my life. I'm focusing so much on declaring and it doesn't seem to be getting me any closer to a decision.
I was so obsessed with learning french and I just wanted to live in France.
Now I'm not sure that is the case. I would love to know another language, but more for travel purposes than anything. I don't know if I want my job to have anything to do with it.
I'm being too safe here, saying 'I don't know if...' before all of my statements. Everything is so unsure right now. I feel pressure to declare soon, because I don't want to spend any more time or money than I absolutely have to, but maybe that attitude will never provide me with enough certainty.
Maybe I need to explore what my college offers, so that by the time I do come to a decision, I will feel right about it.
I'm retaking an american history course this summer and retaking a math course this fall. Those are both things that take a little more effort from me, but that I may very well enjoy.
I'm still extremely clueless about my life right now, but I'm excited to figure it out.
I'm lucky that I have these opportunities.