Starting over in Washington

I am so lucky that I have people who are there for me.

When I lived in Missoula, I didn't have a job. I went to school and did fine, but definitely not my best. I could've worked during school but was too nervous to put myself out there to be rejected. So basically my parents sent me money every month and my boyfriend paid for everything on top of that. I am grateful, but that was a very low point for me. I felt bad about myself and I knew exactly what the first step was to get out of my slump; get a job, but I didn't.

I barely even engaged in social activities. If I wasn't with Erik, I just sat at home or in the library and let my self-loathing build.

Obviously, I was in a downward spiral. That's why I was so excited when my boyfriend and I decided to move to Bremerton, WA. He has a friend here who is letting us have the first month free in his basement to let us get on our feet. Also, my boyfriend had a job waiting here. How could we say no? I knew once we moved here, I had to start job searching immediately. I admit I got off to a slow start because Erik didn't start his job for another week, so I really wanted to tour our new environment with him like we were on vacation. But once he started his job, I started job hunting. I have very little experience and it was difficult to find something but now I have two! One of them is catering at a theatre on the weekends and the other is an on-call dishwasher and dietary aid in a nursing home. Hopefully it won't be on-call for long but the hours are plenty and it's such a relief that I'm finally pulling in some money.

The only eh part is I'm taking a year off school to gain residency. I know I have to keep up on my french somehow. I plan on attending a french club in seattle and just to keep practicing from books, rosetta stone, music, and movies.

So...I've taken my first step to getting out my slump. I've gotten two jobs!

My next step: Get over my nerves and start going to that french club!

Desicions

I'm almost a junior now and I still haven't declared. I went so long thinking I'd go the french direction...now I have no idea. I feel so clueless at this time in my life. I'm focusing so much on declaring and it doesn't seem to be getting me any closer to a decision.

I was so obsessed with learning french and I just wanted to live in France.

Now I'm not sure that is the case. I would love to know another language, but more for travel purposes than anything. I don't know if I want my job to have anything to do with it.

I'm being too safe here, saying 'I don't know if...' before all of my statements. Everything is so unsure right now. I feel pressure to declare soon, because I don't want to spend any more time or money than I absolutely have to, but maybe that attitude will never provide me with enough certainty.

Maybe I need to explore what my college offers, so that by the time I do come to a decision, I will feel right about it.

I'm retaking an american history course this summer and retaking a math course this fall. Those are both things that take a little more effort from me, but that I may very well enjoy.

I'm still extremely clueless about my life right now, but I'm excited to figure it out.

I'm lucky that I have these opportunities.

I love online now!

Ok, getting started was the hard part I guess with online homework, but it's actually much more pleasant to do homework this way. You can sit in one position for hours. There is never any reason to get up. You really don't need your book or notes or anything that could possible be inconvenient to retrieve!

I love it. It's harder to get distracted and it's even a little addicting this way. You'd think you would have issues on the comp because you could go surf the internet pretty easily right there, but the addiction to your studies keeps you from doing that.

With math, if you don't understand a problem, there is the option called 'Help me solve this'. It's brilliant. I almost feel guilty...muahahaha ;)

I know there are downsides to this such as having to worry about your comp working in the first place, but overall, I think online homework is truly wonderful.

Internet reliance

It's amazing how unorganized UM faculty can be! My math book is only available at the college of technology. I've already taken the shuttle there twice and they have been out of my book both times!

I need to do my homework. Without the course number(which comes with the book), I can't do my online assignments.

Math homework is only online. I guess it saves paper, but it also drives me crazy! I hate having to rely completely on a piece of machinery. We can recycle paper, you know!

French has stuff online too, with which I am also having some minor issues.

I may as well get used to this. It will only get worse, especially with the declining economy and rising concern for the environment.

I guess I am living in an age where people like me will have to make a bunch of phone calls just to start a stupid homework assignment.

Capitalism in the classroom

Something struck me as a little odd this session.

My history professor provides types up lecture notes for every upcoming exam with test questions at the end.  They're really great.  They make it much easier to study and of course it feels good to know you're studying as little as possible, but it's just as effective, if not more.

But there's one little thing....He charges $5.

I don't mind doing it, but I just wonder:  Where should professors draw the line when it comes to money?

Ok, the whole ending with a question thing would work if this was a blog that people commented on, so I'll try to answer it myself.

I think a professor should be allowed to charge for lecture notes as long as all of the study material is also in the text book.  

So, in that case, he's not selling the answers, but simply easiness.

But the test questions at the end are a bit much.  Providing the test questions makes it too easy, so it can feel like I am half cheating.

Also, there's the chance that some people can't afford it, but most likely, kids who can pay for college but don't have an extra $5 when they need it usually have some kind of expensive drug habit.

There are always exceptions, but from what I've seen, that seems to always be the case.

I'm not implying I'm against this by writing about it.  I'm only pondering for now.

Persevere

I picked much harder classes this session.  Well, that's life I guess.  There are going to be some classes you don't enjoy and getting through them is what makes you a real student, sadly.

History is better than english though.  At least, it's more simple.  It's like telling a story in chronological order and you have to remember some of it.

English is more abstract and it just takes more effort to pay attention.

Most people don't do well in English.  Isn't that funny?  You'd think we'd all love english class, since it's out native language....but no!!

It's not about improving our language skills necessarily.  It seems to be more about making sure we know about all of the famous authors and the hidden meanings in their works and I suppose that stresses me out and I shut off.  Is that what most people do?  I'm afraid so.

Knowing people are going through the same thing is comforting.  You never want to feel alone when things get stressful.  You just have to remind yourself of this:

"Everyone has to go through things like this sometimes and working through it just makes them appreciate everything else even more."

And that feels good.

1st session

I see how quickly time goes by the older I get.  I'm already nearing the end of my first session of summer school.  Just as we're all finally starting to talk to each other...

I was very lucky this session.  I'm afraid to speak too soon, because I haven't actually seen my grades, but my classes are very easy this session and honestly, I  really don't try that hard and I doubt intelligence has anything to do with it.

One thing I've definitely noticed about Montana is how the people have kids really young.  Half the students in my classes have at least one kid!  Granted most of them are older than me, but not much.  

I actually really like the idea of a family having a ton of kids and everyone being really comfortable around each other.  Montana is inspiring some new story ideas.  I don't want to say montanans are trailer trash, but those are the ideas they're inspiring in me.